Simple Marriage

Jonathan sent me this article from Simple Marriage and it was so helpful that I wanted to share for all who were interested. I like the way that it acknowledges the physicality of emotional reactions and how to handle them. A lot of Christian couples that I know often go off of the verse that says, "don't let the sun go down on your anger" as a method for immediately dealing with relationship issues. I do agree that holding grudges and avoiding confrontation is a destructive way of dealing with conflict and will no doubt poison any relationship. However, I can attest that I am. two. completely. different. people. when I experience a "flooding" as the article describes.

I am a person who does not like unresolve and am not afraid of confrontation so, initially, in my relationship I would act off of this emotional split personality and become the Incredible Hulk of confrontation. Unfortunately, after seeing the damaging results of this approach, I began leaving or shutting myself off to cool down before coming back around to discuss an issue. But I must point out that for the most part whenever I removed myself from the situation it was a spur-of-the-moment action that also seemed to blindside my husband and left him worrying and maybe even feeling abandoned, not knowing if I was even coming back. His feelings were absolutely understandable because I felt the same whenever he left to cool off.

This article's concept of acknowledging that you and your partner are human and you have to deal with these emotions (not just pretend like they don't exist) and yet you have a way of handling them, even ahead of time, is really encouraging and hopefully something that will be effective in a practical way.